I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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