he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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