I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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