Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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