I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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