Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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