my phone needs a breathalizer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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