Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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