Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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