no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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