I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize