I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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