if you like me you must not know who I am
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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