If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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