You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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