You're my little dorito
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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