she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize