So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize