At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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