I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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