Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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