now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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