you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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