My liver just broke up with me...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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