So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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