Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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