We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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