He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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