please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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