you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is my gift to your gina
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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