So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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