I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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