I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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