My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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