The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize