I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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