I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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