dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize