Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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