My balls are so social today.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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