You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
where am i from again
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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