i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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