If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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