I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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