You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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