I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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