My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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