i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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