So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize