i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you never un-have a 4some
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